WHAT AM i TRYING TO PROVE

Well I took back my fancy Azul down jacket. It was way to bold in the produce section at the super. I figure my black polyfil will do jus fine. So my sleeping is getting worse which can only mean I’m getting closer. I booked a grey hound for the 30th and now plan to be on the trail on the 31st. I even booked at hotel 6 because hiker hostel is booked. I’m still hoping to get in there for the breakfast, room and ride in the morning special.

We talked about going and decided it will be good for the both of us. I’m starting, one month is my goal, one day is my objective, one step is my plan. After that, we’ll see, maybe another month, day and more steps. The other night when out with a group, one guy asked so what are you trying to prove. I looked askance. I think that’s the word. Clearly he didn’t get it. Prove? Prove? I’m trying to prove that I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I don’t need a marker, a milestone, a golf score. I need to reach in deep and find that place, that person, the guy who floated down the ICW with my son, the guy to shot a deer with a bow, or maybe the guy who learned how to type to apply to graduate school, or the guy who turned away from being a missionary ’cause he thought he wanted his name to start with Dr. Im trying to prove that trying to prove something is not worth proving. Now that’s worth proving.

Crying in the rain several weeks ago I realized that Jesus didn’t leave Aaron. He picked him up, lifted him out of the carnage of the wreck and sin of this world cause he had a plan for him. That cry began a journey, slow staggered and not always coherent. but I’m pressing forward in faith. weak fledgling faith but faith nonetheless.

jesus4

Yesterday I could only think that  everything is wearing out, everything. Me, our house, my boat, anything that I’ve touched, all wearing out. People, relationships, health; wearing out. Very  Ecclesiastes.

From whence cometh my help? I look to the hills. There I find my Lord. Very Psalms.Now that’s peace. And I haven’t even taken a step. I’m tired… good night.

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