Sleepwalking thu life

Hiking the AT has been a dream, more of a thought of mine for a bunch of years. After 20 years of slogging thru the military I want to find my own path to slog. So why not the corridor that runs 2200 plus miles. Why not me? Well, Why me? Why write, why record. Hey, why not quit asking why for once and do something different, do it without that guy looking over my shoulder, that guy raising an eyebrow, that guy hesitating, stuttering, stammering to get it right. One month, more or less and I put the first foot in front of the next. For the past 20 I started with my left foot, just one of those rules. When no one’s looking, what matters? Will I use my left, will I use my right, will I find myself will I quit myself? For the last 7 months I’ve been walking in a haze, sleepwalking someone called it today. I like that. Grief will do that to you. Robbed of happiness, devoid of joy, missing a reason to go on. Not really sure if I want to live or die, just knowing I want to put one foot in front of the other. I’m afraid.